Some good reading

Here's some really funny short articles about an American writer's view of Denmark. Quite comic really. Her name is Xander Mellish and she's got Denmark very nicely summed up.

http://www.xmel.com/denmark_directory.html

Funny Friday

Danes can't distinguish between the words "fun" and "funny", so any Dane would tell you that "last Friday was quite funny". Well it was, wasn't it?

Bowling at Big Bowl

First task of the day was to find Big Bowl, a bowling and entertainment centre somewhere in Valby. After misleading directions from an old crone who had me walking in the opposite direction for 15mins, i finally got out of the icy snow and into a warm bowling conference room where the IT guy for Big Bowl told us about their computer system, how it was developed, and what quantity of customers it has to handle every day. Oh yeah, forgot to say, this bowling session was organized for the students at DTU attending a Microsoft course on software product development where they had to create a bowling reservation system as a project. Since i was involved as a Lab Assistant, i also got invited to the fun and games at the end of the course :) Anyways, we then proceeded to the actual bowling session and played a couple of games. I hadn't bowled in a while so you can imagine what a fiasco it was. Still, looks like the others hadn't much bowling experience so i still won a couple of games.

We even got a behind-the-scenes tour of the machinery operating the bowling pin handling. The wall behind the machines was full of holes and some of the bricks were even pushed in, because apparently some of the pins sometimes shoot out real fast. Once it was time to leave, we rushed out to the train station and il-bahnan Mikiel forgot to remove his bowling shoes so i had to slip 'n' slide all the way back to Big Bowl to return them and get my own shoes.

Go Karting at Action City

Next up was an evening with my team from work. I went to Allan's house because all trains were cancelled due to the heavy snow, and we got into his car and drove to Ballerup where the rest of the team was waiting for us. Go karting was fun as usual, especially since it was indoors and warm, and we zoomed through our Grand Prix which put me in 4th place (hence no medal). A few beers later, we again braved the snow and headed back to the city.

Steaks at Apollo Bryggeriet

This restaurant serves some fantastic food but the menu isn't too vast. There is one item in particular worth noting... the 1.2Kg beef fillet costing 580Kr (roughly Lm35). Its meant to serve 4 or at most 2, but us hungry tough guys needed all the meat we could eat after all that wild driving, so we got one between 3 and the rest just had peppered steaks. We also had some of the local brewery's beers, including a glass of Chocolate Beer (brewed like regular beer but also containing cocoa beans in the mixture). By now, i had about 10 large beers since 1pm so everything was getting even more funny.

Snowball Fights and The City

What better way to round off the night with a snowball fight and a few more drinks at Heidi's Bar and a few games of table soccer and billiards and another snowball fight and a few Gin n Tonics at some unknown bar and another snowball fight (almost with casualties) and a few more drinks and some table dancing at The Dubliner?

Phew, 5am and maybe its time to go home. But wait, the night isnt over yet. Night buses are all late and trains not working due to snowstorm. Sleeping on an iced bench at Central Station until the first train comes was the only option...

- pic - Bowling conference at Big Bowl
- pic - Faster than the speed of light... and miss
- pic - Ready to launch again. Please note the professional gay pose
- pic - Team Easy-On: Mike, Morten, Kristian, Peter, Allan, Ole
- pic - A very funny meal at the Apollo Bryggeriet
- pic - My Danish is so bad that i ordered 2 beers by mistake
- pic - Bottoms up with Michael, the team's Test Lead
- pic - Allan never looked cuter
- pic - Gunned down. But thats no excuse for MIA on monday...

Tingenek and Massaak

Ice and soft snow.

Legend has it that Inuktitut (Inuit lingo from Greenland) has over 40 words for different types of snow. Whether this is true or not i cannot say, as the Eskimos we get here are always too drunk to talk. The two title words above are just a sample, but maybe its time i learnt all 40 of them because i will be seeing nothing but snow for a few weeks, maybe even months.

Just yesterday, Denmark had its first snowstorm for 2006. I've been waiting for this day for awhile now because i really love the snow. It just covers everything and makes the world look perfect - sterile - clean - quiet. It puts white wings to your feet as you hover over streets, pavements, steps, gardens, roundabouts: it doesnt really matter because everything has been leveled out with a sheet of white.

Its a wonderful experience just standing in the falling snow, even if the 30mph wind is slashing it across your face. It makes every step a challenge and a risk. Makes you feel hardy like an old snowdog or a wolf, and wolves have that cunning sparkle in their eyes like they do know all 40 words. Check out the photos i took from my room.

- pic - Snowstorms to the left of them
- pic - Snowstorms to the right of them
- pic - Snowstorms in front of them
- pic - Into the Valley of wet
- pic - For miles six hundred

A word of advice from an ancient Eskimo...
"Never eat the yellow snow"

Drunkards are fun

At around 4am we were returning from a good night out at The Moose (cheapest drinks in the city) and we saw this young couple trying to cycle their way back home. From the way they were swinging about, we knew they had a few to drink and it was only a matter of time before one of them crashed and fell over. So we waited for something to happen...

Crash-boom-bang one of them rammed into a bunch of parked bikes and then hit his partner, the bikes got entangled and they and fell over face-first onto the pavement. As the others ran over to help them up, i stood there with a big grin and took photos of the bruised and drunken duo lying giggling on the floor. Luckily, no one was hurt in the making of this comedy, and in no time they were on their bikes again and screaming drunken nonsense (or was it just Danish?).

- pic - Toilet facilities at The Moose look fiendish enough to make you shit your pants in fear. Dunno why but it reminds me of From Dusk Till Dawn. I was expecting a zombiatch to jump out from behind the door and strangle me at any moment.

The best blonde joke... EVER!

Lol this has got to be the best blonde joke ever. Danish friends who are reading this, please note that it of course only makes reference to American blondes with giant breasts.

See the funniest blonde joke ever here.

The Constellation of Hvidovre

Outside my window is the cold winter wind and a fantastic view of the city lights by night: The town of Hvidovre as far as the eye can see.

Room Photos

Didn't have too much to do tonight so i thought i'd take a few photos of my (almost complete) room with the new camera. You may want to put up the brightness on your screen coz all the photos are abit dark due to a special technique i used called forgetting to turn on the flash. Ok ok i admit it, i purposely did that since bright light picks up all the dirt, scratches and grime more easily. The photos look pretty anyway.

- pic - A lonely christmas candle on the windowsill
- pic - The Entertainment showcase
- pic - And this is where all the magic happens (zzZzz)
- pic - The entrance with cleverly concealed closet
- pic - Bathroom (note the large stock of Brut and Gel tal-Isfar)
- pic - noname.jpg wtf took this photo anyway
- pic - Desk, stereo and viking hat

Survival Tip #2643

Never do connecting flights through Italy.








Why?
Well i tried to get home for christmas and my voyage wasn't what you'd call fun.
Why?
Because i had a 12 hour wait between my first 2 flights and just 40mins between my last one.
Why?
Because they were through Malpensa, Linate and Rome, and all flying Alitalia.
So?
So they lost my luggage.
And?
They closed the snack bars early leaving me without food or drink until next day.
And?
All flights were delayed.
And?
The cops came and tried to throw me out for sleeping on the airport benches with the other street bums.
And?
They cancelled a flight only to put it back on the list a few hours before the flight.
And?
They sent everyone to the wrong gate.
And?
They believe they can service a queue of 400 passengers with only one passport check booth.
And?
Every other person gives you different and conflicting information.
And?
I got to the Linate gate without even presenting a passport or ticket.
And?
The milan lower-class are UGLY.
And?
The flight hostess dresses like she's on a catwalk but then serves you a dry sandwich packed last month.
And?
Milanese proudly take their pet poodles for a walk by the airport. One decided to leave a cute little turd just behind me. Nexta time ia see a poodle, it sleepa with the fishes.
And?
Well screw Italy in general . And madonna those poodles are everywhere. I kick anything which looks like a fluffy slipper with legs next time.